Trans Thriving

Urban dictionary defines thriving as:
“When you do a number 1 out of your number 2 hole.”

No wait… I copy and pasted the definition of “Thricing”.

Most people think I am crazy, but I am not too worried about it. I have a hypothesis that most people if not all people inherently think trans women are crazy. I’m not special and I don’t even blame them for this prejudice. Sometimes I share it. I mean, who would “volunteer” to be a woman? Who would “choose” to be the lesser of two sexes? Who in their right mind would “opt in” for less pay and to have their ideas regurgitated as someone else’s?

I did. And sometimes I resent myself for making the this sensible and imperative adjustment to create harmony between my internal and external world. When I am thriving, that harmony of self shines in the face of mine and other’s bigotry.

Anyways, over time I released that most people are nuts, but they get a pass because their type of crazy aligns more closely with a current social norm. They repeatedly follow familial or personal patterns that lead them down depressing, cliche roads so well worn in their communities and then express surprise about a negative outcome. I don’t think sanity necessarily factors into someone’s thriving equation. There is a lot of math to calculate thriving, at least the outward thriving equation people use to justify staying in a job or with a partner that agitates our wellbeing. There aren’t hard lines when it comes to someone’s sense of self excellence. I think a lot of us, trans, cis, straights, gays, etc, will have similar tangible items in their thriving checklist, a good job and good pay, community, and so on. From my limited research, many of us trans folx have similar things on our “am I thriving” checklist.

Much of my life was spent in denial that what I was receiving was what I actually wanted and because it was tied to stereotypical success, money, relationships, things, I thought I should be grateful.

I wasn’t.

Real gratitude hadn’t come into my life till after I transitioned. Before transitioning, when something good would happen, like a promotion, or someone I didn’t like got fired, I would feel something pleasant, but it wasn’t gratitude. It was usually some feeling similar to the little buzz from coffee or maybe a sense of relief, “I don’t have to deal with that person again”.

When I am thriving, I am grateful for what I have. For the path I am on and for the peace and harmony I experience in my own world and community.

I started writing this piece from my chaise lounge chair in my Barcelona apartment, with the terrace door open to a lovely 62 degree night with a creative mind and sated stomach. Currently, I spend my days in the sun in community with friends. I explore beautiful architecture with my eyes and camera and I explore beautiful, tan bodies with every inch of my body. I eat my way through a maze of latin, asian, and mediterranean food. I find ways to make street signs look queer. I am an ear and shoulder to listen and a mouth to share. I’m eager to be apart of my community and they are eager to have me, no matter how nutty I am.

I’m really grateful for what I have and for that, I am thriving and I just so happen to be trans.